Honestly I thought the first video I’d post of my daughter Journee would be one of immaculate lighting so you can see how intricately laid her edges are and how gorgeous her light and spirit is but I just catch these moments whenever they happen. Unrehearsed most times I’m in another room and hear her and see she’s with her baby sister. Or her baby as she calls her.  

All I can do is thank God. That’s all I can do. I was attempting to clean up the house. Folding laundry (still not done) Answering business emails. Been in my workout clothes hoped to get a workout in..hasn’t happened yet. Repotting my plants (cause that brings me joy even though I don’t know what I’m doing) and Aria☀️ was having a fit just crying. Journee literally walked through the door, changed her clothes (cause we don’t do the outside clothes business in this house 😂)  and picks her up and just sings her to soothe and calm her.  I was wiping down the counters and grabbed my phone to capture this. It was too good.  Blessed beyond belief. Blessed beyond these mom tears. 

Having a teenager is TOUGH. Being a mom period isn’t easy.  I want her to be her FULL self as a black Goddess in this sometimes cruel world.  To give her space to be herself and to speak up and often because again this world may only always want to hear what she has to say. Sometimes as a mom/ bonus mom I feel like I can never get it right. I chose to work from home almost two years ago cause I wanted to be more PRESENT.  I wanted to do a new thing as God was (is) working a new thing in me daily.  Not that I wasn’t present working in corporate America but those stresses were messing with my mental health. I wanted to be able to be accessible at a drop of a dime. Make every game, practice, awards dinner, midday event be home at a decent time and before we did it all over again the next day all the things I missed or had to go through hoops just to get time off to be there for my kids. Feeling like I had to choose.  

It was a hard decision to go from two solid incomes to 1 and new entrepreneur sometimes winging it, sometimes winning, sometimes over it!  I had to believe in myself and my reason why. You’re looking at two of my reasons before you!  

Sometimes people just don’t want to believe in themselves. They’re okay with not being ok because they’re so use to it or it’s all they know. It’s what they saw their momma do or the father or aunties and I didn’t want that for my kids or myself.  I want my kids to know working hard looks different for everyone. To make hard choices and take risks to never live a life with regrets. 

Everyday I wake up and thank God for a new day, ask for clarity, strength, courage and willingness to show up. To be a beckon of light. To be a word, confirmation, inspiration, motivation. 

An example not to settle, not to give up, to be a reflection of what by faith looks like. 

“Moms. Bonus Moms. Creators. Queens
Don’t forget to breathe. Laugh, and smile often. You are a work in progress and learning while IN the process is a win. I see you. I am you.”

— Cathleen Benjamin

TRUTH MOMENT: I don’t have many pictures with me and baby Journee I can barely find any with her as a baby baby. And she was the cutest little creation. One of the best gifts I’ve ever been given.

POWER UP MOMENT: Moms. Bonus Moms. Creators. Queens
Don’t forget to breathe. Laugh, and smile often. You are a work in progress and learning while IN the process is a #win. I see you. I am you.

I’m sure we’ve all come a long way from who we were before we as mothers have taken on this title.

I’m sure we’ve all done a lot of healing from the day you found out you were going to have a miniature version of you, that time between labor and delivery, between kissing boo-boos and celebrating their birthdays at least we hope there has been some healing.

I’m also sure many of us are still healing even after so many birthdays have passed.

I remember when I first found out that I was with child with Journee (pronounced Journey) I was scared. My big sister was out of town. I remember calling her and not knowing how to put the words together. I certainly felt alone because not one of my peers were yet mothers. I had just gotten my bachelors degree and had no clue where life was taking me but I was unemployed and in my 20s still wanting to party and for all I knew my life would be over but this little crazy baby girl would be bringing new life to me and my entire family. Although there was still some residue left over so I had to get over my stuff real fast.

But somehow I found myself just constantly working on me. Falling short...falling off. Just falling many times. But the come back story is incredible and gets better every day and every year. Because I had Journee I learned so many lessons. It’s so funny that I named her Journee it was really because her father and I had pasts that nearly took of out and we thought we’d never come out of the fire until we found each other...again and then created her.

When I had Journee it was just her and I a lot. I took her everywhere with me. Kurt and I didn’t live together right away. With her I learned how to be present for her of course more than myself. As I've watched her grow into who she is, I've noticed that everything I’ve wanted to do or took an interest in even things I was too afraid to do she does and she excels at effortlessly. 

She’s been one of my greatest teachers in this life and of course in the world of parenting.

She’s strong and soft spoken and fearless and so dang gorgeous and she’s my baby girl. I remind her she can lean on me and doesn’t have to be strong all the time, a trait that she took on from me a trait that I’m learning that strength comes from vulnerability. Being too strong hurts more people in the grand scheme of things.  

Before I had Journee I always wanted to be sure before trying. Which could’ve prevented me fro becoming a mother because I didn’t know what I had to offer her, or if I could care for her as her mother. Thank God I was sure enough in the possibility of love after so much hurt. Thank God

Moms I hope you believe in magic. I sure do.  All women should. I mostly believe in you. 

Journee & Mommy circa 2005