“I’m not afraid to say. I ALMOST talked myself out of it. But I suddenly realized that was a lie...a test rather. It was a voice that was so foreign to the person I am becoming that I shut it down with the quickness and proceeded. 

You see fear CAN still catapult the leap of faith.”

Earlier today I was asked how did I find the courage? Actually I’ve been asked this a number of times since my decision was made a reality in March to became my own boss and coach and mentor women on their wellness journey. To leave Corporate America then teach clients who work in executive/corporate positions how to find that work life balance.

What people don’t know is that for almost 8yrs I too couldn’t find that courage. 

I STRUGGLED with the idea of letting go.

Cried nearly every time I dropped off my kids to school because yet again I was leaving my dreams behind in a journal and having a notebook full of ideas, goals, affirmations and request books and not truly working towards them.

Faith without works is dead. In James 2:22 it says “You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did.”

I was wishing and hoping on a miracle and not really working in alignment with my faith and towards my assignment or life’s work. I had to put my faith to the test. I HAD to. But it was not easy. 

I’m not afraid to say it’s still not easy some days I have not come to grips with my decision because I rely on..well me for a paycheck. While there is a beautiful FREEDOM to it I’m put to the test every single day. Growth and rejection is painful and sometimes the people who need your help most reject you and you have to learn to let them hit rock bottom no matter how much you want to help them avoid that.

Luckily each day I find a word to keep me encouraged and my Fit Fam and my mentors and circle of sisters some of which I’ve gained while on this journey. Blessed as I am I keep people in my circle who are constantly challenging me and who I can bounce ideas off of but still I have to do the work.

I’m not afraid to say. I ALMOST talked myself out of it. But I suddenly realized that was a lie...a test rather. It was a voice that was so foreign to the person I am becoming that I shut it down with the quickness and proceeded. 

You see fear CAN still catapult the leap of faith.

While for so many years like myself it held onto my dreams I realized I was not that person anymore and that while the mind chatter crept up it had no strength over me and my faith in God and my faith in ME.

This is not even about being scared of quitting a job or about leaving a position or situation it is a story about starting over and how stifling that can feel.

I put every excuse in front of each dreams and goal like chess. There was always a great excuse or reason why this time wasn’t the right time. To think of it when I finally made the decision I could think of over a handful of times when there was a better time. Funny how that works.

But it was time. When it’s time you know. You ALREADY know.

On my last day of that chapter, I had so many talks with people who either asked the question when did you know OR I too had a dream to go into ______ add your dream here.

We all have dreams. We all have deterrents. We all have pros and cons and hurdles and obstacles but how long can we fight our true assignments or sit wondering what our calling or passions are if you don’t just take the chance.

This is MY story, what’s yours? Do you have a decision that you’ve been struggling with? What’s stopping you? What’s holding you back? What have you already overcome? When did you come to the realization that there has to be more than just....?

Often times when we need to be our biggest fans we can be our worst enemy. 
We tell ourselves stories, same stories that sad and broken people use to tell us. Same things hurt people use to say when they wanted to break us down. 
After hearing it for so long maybe we began to believe them and live up to them. 
The closest most intimate relationship we can have other than the one with the divine is with our very selves.

Build YOU. Before you build anyone else. You can’t help anyone until you help yourself. 
Lovers, what are some of the things you say to yourself? When I took this pic I picked it apart!

I even went on a tangent until one of my sister coaches in my accountablity group said girl you look amazing" then I was awe thanks, you're right cause I actually felt good and super strong when my hubby started snapping these pics right after on of our couples workout together.  But because of my bloating and the fact that I’ve been eating more of the things I’d don’t normally eat while celebrating family and life. I let that insecure feeling creep up.

I had to correct myself real quick because I’m literally the strongest person I know. I know this because I know what I’ve overcome. I started mentally saying you are one bad woman Cat!!! Bad as in good 😊

We all have our moments? Does your self talk sound like kind and loving words? Are they encouraging and uplifting? Are they empowering? Do you affirm yourself? OR do you indulge in unhealthy self talk and mind chatter. Do you focus on limiting beliefs, self doubt and pick yourself and your body apart. 

Even as a fitness influencer sometimes I find myself in the sunken place.  But luckily I've learned that this is part of the journey and that I have unlimited power to get over myself and the ideals of perfection when that is not what I'm striving for when ultimately I'm striving to be better than the girl I was yesterday. 

Let’s honor ourselves today and everyday by saying all the things you need to hear. Start with you. Need support. Start with you. Need to feel loved. Start with you. Invest in your mental health and wellbeing.

POWER UP REMINDER: this week I’ve done my very best. Next week I vow to do better. Each day I level up building towards the person I’m destined to be!

Be Good to You Lovers, we are all doing and trying our best at adulting, parenting, boss thing and leveling up.  Be mindful of how far you've come.

“when did I become THAT MOM that pushes her children to do endless amount of activities to stimulate their growth and social skills or because we want them to excel at something they take a liking to and not lead by example”

Hey Beautiful People

I did it on Saturday that is :) 

For a little over a year my kids have been taking swim lessons. One day on my daughters make up class. They told me they pair her up with a class above her level because that’s all they had.  I watched her do things on the first try in her swim class. Her make up instructor waved over to ask what level she was in and learned she was two levels below and was doing what was asked of her. (I guess she does listen🙄)

POWER UP REMINDER: Believe it or not if you put yourself in a position to listen, observe and allow yourself to be coachable then you're in allow yourself to learn and attain knowledge no matter how “advanced” others seem to be around you.

But heres where I come into the scenario. As moms we pride ourselves on the activities our children do. Hear me out...Whether it be a soccer mom, track mom, baseball mom, swim or football mom...but that day as I watched her I had to take a step back and say when did I become THAT MOM that pushes her children to do endless amount of activities to stimulate their growth and social skills or because we want them to excel at something they take a liking to and not lead by example?

We put our children in activities because we know the end results and we believe in their greatness! I thought to myself I don't know how to swim to save my life. And I’ve always I’ve always wanted to learn how but I signed up my kids first...WHY is that? It wasn’t even like they asked. It was offered at the gym so I signed up our two younger children because the older two knew how and one was taking swim in school. Meanwhile I put me last...yet again cause that’s what we moms do right?
The same girl that loves the water, the same girl that literally hears waves speaking and calling her. The water-bearer.

Today I did it!!! I chose to lead. EXCITED, a little scared but willing to be coachable and try new things! Even after my lesson was over I practiced. We should want more for ourselves especially as mothers and caregivers. I was so ecstatic and nervous of course because it’s something new. It’s something I really want to excel at and maybe I feel like why did I wait so long to learn. But all those thoughts went out the window the minute I got into the water. I was thinking I wonder what people would think than I thought wait WHO CARES!

This time next year I won’t be just loving the idea of going to the beach and actually go into water. It’ll be a thing in the past that I watch my kids fearfully as they are fearless in the water. Maybe I won’t be that mother if they go too far in I won’t be screaming at the top of their lungs panicking (because I can’t save them)

2018 has been the dopest year thus far!!! I have taken leaps of faith like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve bet on me more than ever. I have taken so many chances and have just done a lot of things differently to say the least. This is MY YEAR!

Your coach...your soul sista...this beach lover...is about to FINALLY learn how to swim. I don’t expect it to be a quick process because letting go of fear can be a challenge but I’m so ready to lean in on the professionals and hope not to be a crazy student.

Cheers to truly living your life not just for social media but to really lead a life and lifestyle that you yourself can admire. Also show that all things are possible as long as you believe in you and take the necessary steps to keep living, and growing and never stop learning. 😘

“Moms. Bonus Moms. Creators. Queens
Don’t forget to breathe. Laugh, and smile often. You are a work in progress and learning while IN the process is a win. I see you. I am you.”

— Cathleen Benjamin

TRUTH MOMENT: I don’t have many pictures with me and baby Journee I can barely find any with her as a baby baby. And she was the cutest little creation. One of the best gifts I’ve ever been given.

POWER UP MOMENT: Moms. Bonus Moms. Creators. Queens
Don’t forget to breathe. Laugh, and smile often. You are a work in progress and learning while IN the process is a #win. I see you. I am you.

I’m sure we’ve all come a long way from who we were before we as mothers have taken on this title.

I’m sure we’ve all done a lot of healing from the day you found out you were going to have a miniature version of you, that time between labor and delivery, between kissing boo-boos and celebrating their birthdays at least we hope there has been some healing.

I’m also sure many of us are still healing even after so many birthdays have passed.

I remember when I first found out that I was with child with Journee (pronounced Journey) I was scared. My big sister was out of town. I remember calling her and not knowing how to put the words together. I certainly felt alone because not one of my peers were yet mothers. I had just gotten my bachelors degree and had no clue where life was taking me but I was unemployed and in my 20s still wanting to party and for all I knew my life would be over but this little crazy baby girl would be bringing new life to me and my entire family. Although there was still some residue left over so I had to get over my stuff real fast.

But somehow I found myself just constantly working on me. Falling short...falling off. Just falling many times. But the come back story is incredible and gets better every day and every year. Because I had Journee I learned so many lessons. It’s so funny that I named her Journee it was really because her father and I had pasts that nearly took of out and we thought we’d never come out of the fire until we found each other...again and then created her.

When I had Journee it was just her and I a lot. I took her everywhere with me. Kurt and I didn’t live together right away. With her I learned how to be present for her of course more than myself. As I've watched her grow into who she is, I've noticed that everything I’ve wanted to do or took an interest in even things I was too afraid to do she does and she excels at effortlessly. 

She’s been one of my greatest teachers in this life and of course in the world of parenting.

She’s strong and soft spoken and fearless and so dang gorgeous and she’s my baby girl. I remind her she can lean on me and doesn’t have to be strong all the time, a trait that she took on from me a trait that I’m learning that strength comes from vulnerability. Being too strong hurts more people in the grand scheme of things.  

Before I had Journee I always wanted to be sure before trying. Which could’ve prevented me fro becoming a mother because I didn’t know what I had to offer her, or if I could care for her as her mother. Thank God I was sure enough in the possibility of love after so much hurt. Thank God

Moms I hope you believe in magic. I sure do.  All women should. I mostly believe in you. 

Journee & Mommy circa 2005